Humor

Chuck Norris – one bad dude!?! haha

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  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  • Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  • Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
  • Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’s beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  • Chuck Norris can ride his handlebars with no bike.

Have some more to add? Leave a comment…

Blonde Joke To End All Blonde Jokes

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A blond woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blond. The blond cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally asked. The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.” The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said. The blond officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”

Not a big joke fan, but I am trying to be, this one was sent to me by a friend recently and I laughed – though maybe you would too.