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  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  • Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  • Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
  • Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’s beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  • Chuck Norris can ride his handlebars with no bike.

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