Chuck Norris – one bad dude!?! haha

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  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  • Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  • Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
  • Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’s beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  • Chuck Norris can ride his handlebars with no bike.

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3 thoughts on “Chuck Norris – one bad dude!?! haha”

  1. You’ve got to love Nor-verbs…

    • If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds
    ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in
    the face.
    • When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
    includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
    Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
    • The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
    • Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
    • What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims
    before they died? His shoe.
    • Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
    • The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based
    on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
    • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a
    • Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive …
    able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of
    Chuck Norris’s warm-up exercises.
    • Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
    • In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born
    from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man
    is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
    • Chuck Norris’s body temperature is 98.6 degrees… Celsius.
    • The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris
    has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and
    • When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the
    French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
    • When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
    • When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck
    Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
    • Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
    • Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum
    of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
    • Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983
    World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free
    Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game
    • Nobody does it like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
    • Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water
    with his own rage.
    • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
    • Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly
    destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
    • Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean
    section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.
    • Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless
    it gets in his way.
    • Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made
    him blink.


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